Monday, April 10, 2017

week three...go

I just don't know whats wrong with me lately...
I mean I do I just don't know how to fix it. I just keep getting tireder and tireder. My body aches all the time. I keep getting cramps in the bottom of my feet that make my toes curl and I cannot uncurl them. and cry I want to just bawl all the time.
Friday I called into work because I just was wore out. dizzy, shaking, sore and just tired.
I went to the river and I just sat there for 3 hours watching it. I feel so alone and not becuase people arent there for me, they are. lots of people. I just know I have so many things running through my head and I just want them to quit, just for a little while. And while people want to be there the real gritty feelings that I have are not strong feelings, and good feelings, and I just don't to burden people with them.
Saturday I didn't get dressed .. all day.
My husband took me to get dinner. I didn't get dressed, I didn't even really comb my hair. I didn't get out of the car. I just went and sat in the car. Sunday I didn't get dressed.
Today I went to radiation and I just feel like a zombie. today starts week 3 and I am so ready to be over this. I was told today we were going to do week 4 then tests to see where to go from there.
I've had a allergy cold and I can't help but laugh. chemo and radiation, I can deal with but this man cold is killing me. Yeah I know it's just a cold, but to me it's not. It's just one more thing piled on my load right now.
I feel so weak. So useless right now. I just don't wanna do anything .
I have wonder woman on my name tag, I wear her as a badge of courage. Such a small thing gives me courage to keep on everyday. to keep me feeling strong. 5 minutes at a time.  Life sux sometimes, everyone has things there going through. Im no different. Im human and have human feelings and emotions. And I guess I need to just work mine out.

So here we go week 3... bring it on!

Cancer sux Ya'All!

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