Thursday, December 29, 2016

Dear santa... New from Growing Pains Scrapped

Growing Pains Scrapped has a new kit...
Dear Santa (Yes I'm a little late posting this I didn't know it was already released )

you can find it by clickin the link above .. she also has a matching set of Quickpages for those of you wanting to do a layout in a hurry.

Wanna see some inspiration from the CT Team?

  Now how about a little freebie?
Just click on prev to be download!

Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

4th & (hopefully) final C-Day!

Well tomorrow is my 4th & hopefully final C-Day! I put this off so that I could go to Washington & til after Christmas. But the day is finally here and I can't say i'm excited.... more like terrified and scared to death. & have more than once just said nope. You know how when you were a kid and you went to school everyday and you got used to it, then summer comes & you get that break and you forget about all of it ? but then September comes & you know whats going to happen and you just really wish it was back to july. you dread that moment. You remember all the crapt associated with it.
... Well that's how I feel. I know whats going to happen tomorrow. I know how it's going to be scary and hurt and feel like death for the first day and you can't eat and when you do you can't taste anything and you will feel exhausted and when you start to just feel numb then you get depressed and just can't seem to help it... Nope I am not looking forward to this.

But I am looking forward to closing this chapter & finally working towards an end game kicking this cancers ass! I can tell how run down I am getting , even if I don't want to admit that to myself. I come home from work and my legs just ache so bad I cry . My head constantly hurts. Can't hardly eat.  Im having to drink ensure and it makes me feel like an elderly person or a baby. & I try to put on a smile and be brave & strong.. but sometimes I just really wanna curl up in a ball and cry.

I just wanna feel like a normal person again.

Okay , So my rant is over . I have vented & feel a little better.
So wish me luck that I walk into that place and lay there like a good girl instead of getting back in my car and running away ( oh yeah trust me I've thought about that a time or two) & if ya get a chance pop over to my facebook or comment here & just say hi. I' ll be in isolation for 3 days  since I'll be "contagious". & oh do you get stir crazy.
Cancer sux Ya'All!

Friday, December 23, 2016

Iv drip for one please!

So yesterday was one of those no good terrible horrible days...
It started with the doctor calling me telling my lab results came back and my levels were extremely low & I needed to come in. And hooked up to an Iv I was (insert yoda voice impression here)
I don't post pictures like this to get attention. I post pictures like this so people understand that Cancer is not all pink and positive thoughts, & fighting like a girl...

Its painful, It's hard, & It's ... scary.
Something that is so tiny can just ravage your whole body. Wreak havok with your emotions. Wear you down , emotionally drain you.
People see the smiling positive "strong" you... they don't see the crying , laying in a bed in a ball, the running to the bathroom , the embarrassment, the needles, the tests, the results, the constant pain, & the hope that someday this will just be over, but worried about the next time.

I went to work about an hour late being hooked up to this. & I wanted to be at work & just get my mind off of it. but I was freezing and shaking. I asked if they wanted me on a register as it was pretty busy. & I love being on the registers sometimes and just talking with people... but 5 minutes after my poor cashier went on break I knew it was a very bad idea. when he came back I was never so glad to see another person in my life. I was just sitting there praying he came back in time ... and I made a mad dash to the bathroom hoping to god I didn't throw up before making it there.
I made the decision to go home running to the bathroom all night was not an option. I had to run to the back bathroom to make it again. (and stop on the way home to throw up on the side of the road.)

When I got to my car I sat there shaking and freezing and I just started to bawl. this was not the strong karrie, this was a weak karrie. During an argument once my husband had told me that I was lazy, that I was using being sick as an excuse not to do things, that I was making a bigger deal than it was... And that is always in the back of my head when things like this happen. I think maybe I should be able to handle this? Maybe I should just stick it out? Maybe I am being lazy?

But I went home. I put on warm jammies, and warm socks, and wrapped up in a warm blanket ... and went to sleep. Selfish or not , right or wrong, It was something my body needed. I layed there and watched elf, and the grinch, & frozen... becuase this just don't really feel like Christmas to me.

Today is a new day...

Cancer sux Ya'All!

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Friends & family are the BEST medicine!

I haven't written on my blog for quite awhile. I came to the conclusion that even though I have a smile on my face, I've been depressed.
I made a scrapbook layout  in november just kinda journaling about this....

Just reading this again brings tears to my eyes.
I did in fact have a wonderful dinner with my family. I have seen lights every chance I've gotten.I went to Washington and hugged my son. I watched my granddaughter play. I talked & cried with my best friend . & I put my heart into making myself put up that christmas tree.
But the feeling still remains...
I saw a specialist for my cancer and was told that my cancer is recurrent and it is aggressive and it will keep coming back and while I am a fighter my body not so much.... and I needed to make a bucketlist.
All I could do was bawl.

I work with some pretty amazing people. They are definitely like family to me. While at work I got called back to personnel. My first thought was what did I do wrong now. I was told to let them know when I was coming. I got to the room and it was dark. I got on the walkie and asked where my boss was. She told me to wait a minute. Then told me to come in. I walked in that room and they all yelled suprise and gave me a damn heart attack. My super sweet amazing coworkers, and im not even sure which one actually planned it, threw a party... for me! They had food which I couldn't eat but it looked super yummy. They had presents. And we had a painting with a twist... And they had THEM!
They all gave me a group hug and I cried. We sat back in that personnel office laughing and joking around and painting and listening to music and cried. I told them I didnt want to open the presents becuase I didn't want to blubber like a baby... which I did anyways. When most people left I ended up opening most of them. She wanted to tell me about reasons behind them. Kelley got me a warm comfy blankey. she got me socks and some really cute sock slippers. she got em a journal so I can write down my feelings and thoughts. and she got me a planner because she said she wanted me to plan my life not just write down appt but look forward to things, plan my life. a very cute bottle.some inspirational bracelets and a pill box. Andrea made this beautiful tea cup for the table and said when she smelled the lotion it was me so she had to get it for me. Which is funny cause I just bought that body spray lol. Tori got me some mickey & minnie ornies and a steamboat willie snowglobe!

But my most precious gift was this card. this made me bawl like a baby....

I know that god gives you what you need when you need it... & I want these wonderful ladies to know how much this meant to me. It made me feel loved and safe and like a normal person for a little while. I wasn't thinking about cancer or problems or feeling alone,  I was just enjoying the time with them. It came at the perfect time when I really needed it...
& for that I will always be grateful!

You girls rock! & I hope you know how much each & every one of you mean to me.

Cancer sux Ya'all!

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Cheers!, A new release from Magical Scraps Galore

Are you ready to celebrate?
CHEERS!  by Magical Scraps Galore is an elegant collection full of gold, glitter, party favors and New Year's elements, perfect to capture the excitement of a new beginning, a glamorous celebration, or your special memories in style.
Find it on sale at GingerScraps and Scraps N Pieces at 30% off through December 23rd:
Here's a gorgeous cluster freebie from CT member Karrie.
Click on the preview to get my download:
Stay tuned for Marina's new collection releasing January 1st!
Thank you and have a great day!

Happy Scrappin Ya'all!

Holly Jolly, A new release from Triple J Designs

Only  9 more shopping days until Christmas!! Are you done yet? :)

This week, we have a new kit that coordinates with this month's Scraps N Pieces blog train and is perfect for scrapping holiday pictures!

Holly Jolly
40% off through December 31st

A Little CT Inspiration...

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Stop by and check out our new Layout Depot Challenge

Happy Scrappin Ya'All!