I haven't written on my blog for quite awhile. I came to the conclusion that even though I have a smile on my face, I've been depressed.
I made a scrapbook layout in november just kinda journaling about this....
Just reading this again brings tears to my eyes.
I did in fact have a wonderful dinner with my family. I have seen lights every chance I've gotten.I went to Washington and hugged my son. I watched my granddaughter play. I talked & cried with my best friend . & I put my heart into making myself put up that christmas tree.
But the feeling still remains...
I saw a specialist for my cancer and was told that my cancer is recurrent and it is aggressive and it will keep coming back and while I am a fighter my body not so much.... and I needed to make a bucketlist.
All I could do was bawl.
I work with some pretty amazing people. They are definitely like family to me. While at work I got called back to personnel. My first thought was what did I do wrong now. I was told to let them know when I was coming. I got to the room and it was dark. I got on the walkie and asked where my boss was. She told me to wait a minute. Then told me to come in. I walked in that room and they all yelled suprise and gave me a damn heart attack. My super sweet amazing coworkers, and im not even sure which one actually planned it, threw a party... for me! They had food which I couldn't eat but it looked super yummy. They had presents. And we had a painting with a twist... And they had THEM!
They all gave me a group hug and I cried. We sat back in that personnel office laughing and joking around and painting and listening to music and cried. I told them I didnt want to open the presents becuase I didn't want to blubber like a baby... which I did anyways. When most people left I ended up opening most of them. She wanted to tell me about reasons behind them. Kelley got me a warm comfy blankey. she got me socks and some really cute sock slippers. she got em a journal so I can write down my feelings and thoughts. and she got me a planner because she said she wanted me to plan my life not just write down appt but look forward to things, plan my life. a very cute bottle.some inspirational bracelets and a pill box. Andrea made this beautiful tea cup for the table and said when she smelled the lotion it was me so she had to get it for me. Which is funny cause I just bought that body spray lol. Tori got me some mickey & minnie ornies and a steamboat willie snowglobe!
But my most precious gift was this card. this made me bawl like a baby....
I know that god gives you what you need when you need it... & I want these wonderful ladies to know how much this meant to me. It made me feel loved and safe and like a normal person for a little while. I wasn't thinking about cancer or problems or feeling alone, I was just enjoying the time with them. It came at the perfect time when I really needed it...
& for that I will always be grateful!
You girls rock! & I hope you know how much each & every one of you mean to me.
Cancer sux Ya'all!
I made a scrapbook layout in november just kinda journaling about this....
I did in fact have a wonderful dinner with my family. I have seen lights every chance I've gotten.I went to Washington and hugged my son. I watched my granddaughter play. I talked & cried with my best friend . & I put my heart into making myself put up that christmas tree.
I saw a specialist for my cancer and was told that my cancer is recurrent and it is aggressive and it will keep coming back and while I am a fighter my body not so much.... and I needed to make a bucketlist.
All I could do was bawl.
I work with some pretty amazing people. They are definitely like family to me. While at work I got called back to personnel. My first thought was what did I do wrong now. I was told to let them know when I was coming. I got to the room and it was dark. I got on the walkie and asked where my boss was. She told me to wait a minute. Then told me to come in. I walked in that room and they all yelled suprise and gave me a damn heart attack. My super sweet amazing coworkers, and im not even sure which one actually planned it, threw a party... for me! They had food which I couldn't eat but it looked super yummy. They had presents. And we had a painting with a twist... And they had THEM!
They all gave me a group hug and I cried. We sat back in that personnel office laughing and joking around and painting and listening to music and cried. I told them I didnt want to open the presents becuase I didn't want to blubber like a baby... which I did anyways. When most people left I ended up opening most of them. She wanted to tell me about reasons behind them. Kelley got me a warm comfy blankey. she got me socks and some really cute sock slippers. she got em a journal so I can write down my feelings and thoughts. and she got me a planner because she said she wanted me to plan my life not just write down appt but look forward to things, plan my life. a very cute bottle.some inspirational bracelets and a pill box. Andrea made this beautiful tea cup for the table and said when she smelled the lotion it was me so she had to get it for me. Which is funny cause I just bought that body spray lol. Tori got me some mickey & minnie ornies and a steamboat willie snowglobe!
I know that god gives you what you need when you need it... & I want these wonderful ladies to know how much this meant to me. It made me feel loved and safe and like a normal person for a little while. I wasn't thinking about cancer or problems or feeling alone, I was just enjoying the time with them. It came at the perfect time when I really needed it...
& for that I will always be grateful!
You girls rock! & I hope you know how much each & every one of you mean to me.
Cancer sux Ya'all!
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