I constantly struggle with my self image. People will tell you all the time just be comfortable with you.. and I try but it's hard. When I was in high school I weighed less than a hundred pounds. but then life happened... 4 kids, problems with a tubal ligation, and 3 bouts of cancer later. I don't go swimming in public. One hot summer we went to the river to go swimming. Usually the river is pretty dead. there are people there just scattered up and down it. Unfortunately this time there was alot. We had to park really far away.. and GASP walk to it. I did not want to go.. at all. But all the kids wanted to .. so I had to walk across the camp grounds to the river. I was so mad at my husband... but looking back on it now. Really no one probably even batted an eye or even cared, it was just me.
I have a dress I bought after my last bout with cancer . I was feeling pretty bad about myself and decided I needed to work on that. When the dress came I was like oh no I can't wear that... but when I put it on a magical thing happened...
I LOVED IT!
It hugged my curves but also hid some of my not so flattering features. I felt sexy in it. I have to admit that I never have gotten to wear this dress yet. I leave it hanging on my amour to remind me , everytime I walk by it and look at it,
I smile.
I came across a really neat blog post and I think it's worth sharing (
WARNING- it does have language in it)... plus I can reread it again and again when I need to...
by the militant baker
Things that I wish I knew earlier Things that I've learned in real life.
Things people really need to talk about more:
---------------------------------------------------------
Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone. Lets just get
this out of the way right off the bat. In the last few months, I've had
over 30 women ranging from rail thin to extra large
naked in my bed
and I would routinely ask them to hug their knees. You wont believe
this... ALL OF THEM HAD TUMMY ROLLS. Not one was exempt. Even my super
fabulous professional model 6 foot tall and some amazing Katie had
rolls. The stomach pictures turned into some of my favorite images from
the project... so quit thinking they're bad, and try accepting (
dare I say embracing?) yours!
When people say "you're gorgeous", believe them. I tend not to,
and it's a cryin' shame. When people genuinely compliment you, it's
because they really see it. Try to not dismiss their perspective as
wrong and assume that you know better. They see all of you. We see our
flaws. Believe
them.
"Arm flab is embarrassing." No its not, go fuck yourself. No, not you. The people who tell us that, silly.
You're not stunning despite your body. You're stunning because of your body.
There is a distinct difference. I grew up in a culture that would deem
"unattractive" women as "special spirits". A degrading categorization
that implied that the only thing worthwhile was whatever was inside.
Well, yeah. We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies
are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the
outside. I am of the
firm belief that every person is beautiful, and so this leaves the inside to be the part that is the most telling when it comes to true "beauty".
A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it won't break his back. "Wait,
whaaaaaa Jes? You're full of shit." Nope. This just happened to me for
the first time in... six years? I'm considerably heavier than I was 6
years ago (like... 70 pounds heavier) and so when I ran up to my friend
Eric for a hug and he picked me up with my heels in the air... it left
me breathless. I had forgotten that it was possible; I had accepted a
life void of being lifted. So exhilarating. Eric didn't suffer any
injuries and walked away unscathed.
You don't need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself. Many
believe that someone who's fat needs to exercise as much as possible in
order to prove that they're committed to becoming "less fat". As if
accepting one's body
as is would be a sin, and that's just silly.
Yes, exercising has wonderful physical and mental benefits, but you
don't owe it to anyone else to make an effort to change your body unless
you wanna. You do not have to alter yourself to be okay. Period.
You're allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise. This
will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and that's okay. It will
also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever
have. It doesn't make you narcissistic. It doesn't make you vain. It is
liberating in every form of the word.
It's also okay to have days were you don't love yourself. Read this. No really.
Read it. And then realize that we've grown up learning and internalizing that we are not okay
our entire life.
For me, that's 26 years of self-hate indoctrination and brainwashing.
It's going to take a lot longer than you think to reverse this thinking,
and it's definitely not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself to
have "weak" days. Cry, mourn, sob, yell, throw things. Whichever. Then
get up, brush yourself off, give the media the finger, and move forward
because you're a warrior.
Everyone's boobs are uneven. If you have a lot of boobs, they might be way uneven. Don't stress. This is totally normal.
There are people who prefer large ladies. And I mean all sizes of large. I thought that my best bet in life was to find a partner who
accepted
my fat. Pause. Give me a minute to hang my head and shake it at myself.
Not only are there people who adore "thick" women, but a LOT of them
who prefer it. This eventually ends up in an interesting territory which
Marianne
talks about here,
but the point that I'm trying to make goes back to the "despite vs
because of" argument. Here is what you need to know: you do NOT need to
settle for a lover who is "okay" with your body. You have the right (and
millions of opportunities) to find someone who is infatuated with your
body. You deserve to be worshiped, woman!
Fat chicks bang hot guys... ALL. THE. TIME. I know that
hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but
for these purposes, lets talk about the "universally attractive" kind of
hot. Y'know, the kind fat chicks don't deserve? We want to pretend that
we don't know what I'm talking about, but lets be real; we totally do.
The fact that "fat chicks bang 'hot' guys" was one of the most powerful
realizations I've had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew
that there would be
someone that would find me attractive but
the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of
guys I didn't personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone
that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man
(tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks? Weh-he-hell, let me
tell you somethin': through various sites, events, parties, and corner
store meetings, I found myself with over
a hundred men who were champing at the bit to get with this.
I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred. "Girls" showed what society thinks about
that when
Hannah's character has a weekend romance with an attractive and wealthy
doctor. People flipped their shit. "Patrick Wilson is so hot he would
never do Lena Dunham" was the most eye catching. Wilson's wife
responded to that rubbish here, but the tweet speaks volumes about what the majority of people think
unconventional women deserve.
Jesus christ, it's annoying. I won't spill the details of my bedroom
coming and goings, but lets just say this: the hottest guys in Tucson
and I get along just fine. I would recommend reading
Emily's article on
xoJane for a better explanation of what I'm struggling to say. Know
this: the myth that "atypical" bodies can't be paired with "typically
attractive" bodies is false. Women need to know that all bodies can be
paired with all bodies.
Riding during sex will NOT collapse his insides. Just trust me on this one, what you fear is totally false. Here's a
great article that changed my life.
Wearing whatever you want is a political statement. Join the
revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the
horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans. Wear the
see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the
shirt that says "Does this shirt make me look fat?". Wear whatever it is
that makes you happy. This is your life.
You are fucking beautiful. I'm saying this with a straight face
and seriously meaningful look where I maintain eye contact for an
uncomfortable amount of time. I know you don't feel like you fit into
the category of gorgeous that our world creates. I know that its hard. I
know that its a daily battle. But fuck their fascist beauty standards.
The second you stop looking for a skinny model in your mirror and start
looking at YOU... is the second you will start to appreciate what you
are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are
perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever
happened to you. And you are fucking beautiful.
Say it with me.
