It's another Wordy Wednesday!
Today im gonna talk about working on loving yourself.
I got a kit the other day and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. I'll share
my layout later. Most girls struggle with body image. If your not one of those girls I applaud you,
I am definately one that struggles.
First let me start out that when I was in high school I was a size 0/1. I remember not being able to find clothes becuase the small size then was 3...oh how the time flies!
Look I have proof
But life happens.
4 kids & life events later.
In Aug 2012, I made an appointment with the doctor as I was having panic attacks and
weird heart beats. I found out I had VERY high blood pressure. but while there my doctor convinced me to have a pap. After my last daughter I had a tubal ligation at the age of 25... Nothing but problems from that.
My test came back with a problem & I found I had cervical cancer.
In October I had it frozen and all was well...
Until March of 2013. I started my period but something was wrong. It was heavy the whole time...
& didn't quit for 10 weeks.
After lots of numerous doctor visits, poked and prodded, countless tests, I was told
I had uterine cancer, however I also had extreme endometrosis, and so they couldn't just go in a take my uterus out or even try to freeze it. So I started chemo.
I won't go into that ... but we will just say it was not a fun or pretty time.
During that time I noticed that my husband had stopped touching me. ( now to be fair he says he was worried he would hurt me) And being that your uterus
is kinda a defining thing about being a woman. I started to feel undesirable . Now Im gonna admit it since I had kids I have never been very comfortable in my own skin & have extreme body issues...
but for some reason.. and Im not saying it was rational, maybe it was the drugs, I felt
unwomanly. In October almost a year to the date they were able to freeze my cancer...
& I looked into doing some boudior photos. I saw some that a friend of mine did, and I read alot about them... and I wanted to do them... for ME!
However life happens... and oh does it happen BIG. At my 6 month check .. my cancer was back.
Back to chemo and getting sick and crying and fighting and living... yes that is the important thing...
I lived ,I survived. I did die on the operating table
3 min 43 sec.. seems like such a short time but it makes a BIG impact on someones life...
But yes I did survive, god must want me here for a reason.
I decided I needed to try to start working on loving me. Its not easy. I now its gonna be a loooong road but Im working on it ;)
little steps.
during my last rounds of chemo.. my fingernails grew long... don't ask me why, it is still a mystery to me as now that I have been off of it.. they peel and break.. all the time. However my
toenails did not fair well. Right before I stopped taking chemo one of my big toes nail got really thick and flaky and weird looking over about 80% of the nail... and then it came off.
during my cancer days little things like painting my toes and fingernails made me feel better, I don't know why it just made me happy. But when that happened I was horrified. Thank god it was cooler weather and not flipflops( hey I live in the south) weather.
It has been almost 6 month and the nail is almost all the way grown back. But the other day I decided I needed to feel a little happy... So I painted them... and yes I will share.. flaws and all lol
Hey it made me happy that's all that matters.. and even though no one could see them.. I knew they were there. They are "perfectly imperfect" to me.
Now back to that layout I was talking about.
My husband calls me cute....
I hate that. I am a 41 year old mother of 4 and a grandma.. cute is not a word that a girl wants to hear about themselves. I know I will never be glamorously beautiful, supermodel sexy, awestruck amazing...
but cute? ugh
So when I seen my designers kit I knew exactly what I wanted to do
and although I may not be all those things I named above.. I still felt a little sexy in this picture, so I chose to use it. I am going to say right here.. I HATE my picture being taken. But I decided
when I got cancer for the 2nd time I was going to try to take more pictures of myself .. just in case.
some I look at and cringe. And some I look at and say well thats not too bad.
I like this one.
like I said little steps
Happy Wednesday Ya'All!
Today im gonna talk about working on loving yourself.
I got a kit the other day and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. I'll share
my layout later. Most girls struggle with body image. If your not one of those girls I applaud you,
I am definately one that struggles.
First let me start out that when I was in high school I was a size 0/1. I remember not being able to find clothes becuase the small size then was 3...oh how the time flies!
Look I have proof
4 kids & life events later.
In Aug 2012, I made an appointment with the doctor as I was having panic attacks and
weird heart beats. I found out I had VERY high blood pressure. but while there my doctor convinced me to have a pap. After my last daughter I had a tubal ligation at the age of 25... Nothing but problems from that.
My test came back with a problem & I found I had cervical cancer.
In October I had it frozen and all was well...
Until March of 2013. I started my period but something was wrong. It was heavy the whole time...
& didn't quit for 10 weeks.
After lots of numerous doctor visits, poked and prodded, countless tests, I was told
I had uterine cancer, however I also had extreme endometrosis, and so they couldn't just go in a take my uterus out or even try to freeze it. So I started chemo.
I won't go into that ... but we will just say it was not a fun or pretty time.
During that time I noticed that my husband had stopped touching me. ( now to be fair he says he was worried he would hurt me) And being that your uterus
is kinda a defining thing about being a woman. I started to feel undesirable . Now Im gonna admit it since I had kids I have never been very comfortable in my own skin & have extreme body issues...
but for some reason.. and Im not saying it was rational, maybe it was the drugs, I felt
unwomanly. In October almost a year to the date they were able to freeze my cancer...
& I looked into doing some boudior photos. I saw some that a friend of mine did, and I read alot about them... and I wanted to do them... for ME!
However life happens... and oh does it happen BIG. At my 6 month check .. my cancer was back.
Back to chemo and getting sick and crying and fighting and living... yes that is the important thing...
I lived ,I survived. I did die on the operating table
3 min 43 sec.. seems like such a short time but it makes a BIG impact on someones life...
But yes I did survive, god must want me here for a reason.
I decided I needed to try to start working on loving me. Its not easy. I now its gonna be a loooong road but Im working on it ;)
little steps.
during my last rounds of chemo.. my fingernails grew long... don't ask me why, it is still a mystery to me as now that I have been off of it.. they peel and break.. all the time. However my
toenails did not fair well. Right before I stopped taking chemo one of my big toes nail got really thick and flaky and weird looking over about 80% of the nail... and then it came off.
during my cancer days little things like painting my toes and fingernails made me feel better, I don't know why it just made me happy. But when that happened I was horrified. Thank god it was cooler weather and not flipflops( hey I live in the south) weather.
It has been almost 6 month and the nail is almost all the way grown back. But the other day I decided I needed to feel a little happy... So I painted them... and yes I will share.. flaws and all lol
Now back to that layout I was talking about.
My husband calls me cute....
I hate that. I am a 41 year old mother of 4 and a grandma.. cute is not a word that a girl wants to hear about themselves. I know I will never be glamorously beautiful, supermodel sexy, awestruck amazing...
but cute? ugh
So when I seen my designers kit I knew exactly what I wanted to do
and although I may not be all those things I named above.. I still felt a little sexy in this picture, so I chose to use it. I am going to say right here.. I HATE my picture being taken. But I decided
when I got cancer for the 2nd time I was going to try to take more pictures of myself .. just in case.
some I look at and cringe. And some I look at and say well thats not too bad.
I like this one.
like I said little steps
Happy Wednesday Ya'All!
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