Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Friday the 13th & a little surgery... what could go wrong?

A plan of action is finally here!
 I am both terrified and ready for it. & yes I realize it is on friday the 13th. But at this point I don't care. I am soo beyond over this.
Friday I have my surgery set . The plan is to give me a dnc (dialation & curettage).
"Dilation and curettage (D&C) is a brief surgical procedure in which the cervix is dilated and a special instrument is used to scrape the uterine lining."
Then I am going to have cryosurgery to remove the cancer cells.
"Cryosurgery is the use of extremely cold temperatures to freeze and destroy abnormal tissues."
Since my heart is  BIG issue right now they have ensured me that all measures to monitor it have been made. 

On Monday I am going to start a 5 day round of radiation. to hopefully help ensure that the cancer is gone and doesn't come back.
I say that but in reality the statistics are stacked against me... But I can be optimistic.
20-40% of women have reoccurance. but that also means 60-80% have been cured.
Today I not only got to have my wonderful weekly iv with electrolytes and nutrients. I also got my consult for radiation and ran through a simulator for it.
& they are going to keep me on the hormone therapy for 2 weeks.

"The objective of radiation therapy is to kill uterine cancer cells for a maximum probability of cure or palliation with a minimum of side effects. Radiation therapy can be used to prevent local cancer recurrences after surgery (adjuvant therapy) or for the treatment of recurrent cancer. Radiation is generally given in the form of high-energy beams that deposit the radiation dose into the body where the risk of cancer cells is greatest. Radiation therapy, unlike chemotherapy, is considered a local treatment. Cancer cells can only be killed where the actual radiation is delivered to the body. If cancer exists outside the radiation field, the cancer cells are not destroyed by the radiation. Therefore, radiation therapy is typically used for early stage cancers confined to a single location (field) in the body.
Radiation can also be directly placed in the area of the cancer (brachytherapy) or in the area where unseen cancer is suspected. For uterine cancer, this is the “vaginal cuff” region where the incision was made when the uterus was removed. Brachytherapy does not penetrate very deep and external beam radiation therapy is often combined with brachytherapy for treatment of uterine cancer."

 I'll be getting the direct beam of light for $200 alex (sorry bad joke)
Im told that the side effects aren't bad but Im not sure if I trust that. They said I could work but will probably feel exhausted at the end of the day. I mean just lok at these side effects.. doesn't it make ya wanna go get radiation right now? lol No? nah me neither.

"Radiation therapy to the abdominal/pelvic area may cause diarrhea, abdominal cramping or increased frequency of bowel movements or urination. These symptoms are usually temporary and resolve once the radiation is completed. Occasionally abdominal cramping may be accompanied by nausea.It is not unusual for some patients to note changes in sleep or rest patterns during the time they are receiving radiation therapy and some patients will describe a sense of tiredness and fatigue.Appetitie changes, alergic reactions, anemia, low platelet count, mouth sores, dry mouth,Nausea, with or without vomiting"

 It's alot to process. So for now Im blogging about it so I can get it off my chest. These last couple weeks I have just been so tired and not just physically emotionally too. I want to get back into work and not feel so lazy and have a purpose. But then I just wanna curl up in a warm blanket and just rest.
Yep adulting sucks sometimes.I hate disappointing all those that think im so strong... but I did tell ya im not as strong as ya think.When they told me today Im gonna have to get radiation I just bawled. It's scary all this stuff. 
 Okay so anyways recap: surgery on friday the 13th followed by 5 days of radiation followed by 2 weeks of hormone therapy.... and alot of prayers. and then ..Hope!

Cancer sux Ya'All!

Monday, January 9, 2017

Winter Wonderland, A new release from Triple J Designs

In countries with seasonal climates and cold Winters, no other song conjures up images of the joys of freshly fallen snow like the easy melody and cheerful lyrics of Winter Wonderland. If you're lucky (?) enough to live in such a climate, you have likely experienced the fun of walking through the freshly fallen snow or building your very own snowman. Scrap all of your Winter memories with Winter Wonderland digital scrapbook kit by Triple J Designs. The beautiful color palette is full of cool blues and is perfect for capturing the chilly fun of your Winter adventures. 

Winter Wonderland is 30% off through January 15th

And now, a little CT Inspiration...



Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Depression & cancer

I have to tell myself this everyday to remind me...

I try really hard to be brave and strong... and I think I put on a pretty good face. But the fact of the matter is I'm tired. I'm exhausted. Im sore. I ache. Im hot .Im cold. Im depressed.... and I am just about done.
Okay that last part may not be actually true im not done. I wanna say Im done some days but I just don't have it in me to quit.

One of the worst things about cancer is before they told me my cancer was back I was feeling fine. I mean my kidney & heart were still having problems from the chemo before... But I felt fine.

Last night as I felt my heart racing and beating hard... I just sat there and cried. I mean  there's got to be more to life than being scared to death of every little thing that happens to ya.
I do everything Im supposed to . I be a good person and a happy person. I'd do just about anything to help someone, and I have a good heart ( well you know figuratively cause not so much literally)... I thought good things were supposed to happen to good people????

Im depressed. Yep Im just gonna say it. It seems to get worse everytime I get chemo. This damn overwhelming sense of dread and hopelessness I just cannot get rid of no matter how many smiles I plaster on my face & try to just overcome. & I know it will get better. It just really sux right now.
Then I start thinking about how everyone has stress, everyone gets sick.. and maybe I should just suck it up & be strong... Hence the circle goes round and round. I have talked with my support group and with my councilor about it, even done research on it. It is normal... Im normal! (hey small victories)
Just as cancer treatment affects your physical health, it affects the way you feel, think, and do the things you like to do. Besides causing many emotions that may surprise you, the treatment may actually change the way your brain works. Just as you need to take care of your body after treatment, you need to take care of your emotions.
Each person's experience with cancer is different, and the feelings, emotions, and fears that you have are unique as well. The values you grew up with may affect how you think about and deal with cancer. Some people may feel they have to be strong and protect their friends and families. Others seek support from loved ones or other cancer survivors or turn to their faith to help them cope. Some find help from counselors and others outside the family, while others do not feel comfortable with this approach. Whatever you decide, it is important to do what's right for you and not compare yourself to others."

Just a week and 1 day & I will get my surgery and HOPEFULLY take care of this nasty little bugger I have clinging on inside me. But today...

Today I can't get any sleep cuz my legs cramp and get restless to the point I cannot keep them still . To the point where it makes me cry. I have tried everything people have told me. potassium, tumeric, restless leg pills, wine before bed, vitamin b6 & b12, coq10, heating pad, even soaking in a hot bath...I'm exhausted
Today my heart beats poundingly hard & fast and scares the crapt out of me, has me breathless.
Today my lower back aches from my kidneys.
Today Ive got headaches that are asprin resistant and never really ever go away, there just always there.
Today Im freezing one minute and burning up the next .
Today I get menstrual cramps that feel like my insides are being yanked out.
Today I feel like a pincusion.

but Tomorrow.. I have hope. I guess thats as best as I can ask for.

Thanks for letting me rant!

Cancer sux Ya'All!

Snow in the woods & a new shop from Magical Scraps Galore

New Year, New Beginnings!
We're so excited to tell you that Magical Scraps Galore has a new shop at THE DIGICHICK, and she's having a storewide sale to celebrate!
And she also has a new release this week!
In warm wood tones and icy blues, Snow in the Woods is a fun wintery kit filled with woodland animals, icicles, pine cones and evergreen branches, perfect for documenting all your outdoor winter memories.
Find the full collection at 58% off -or the individual kit and add-ons at 30% off- through Tuesday midnight at GingerScraps, Scraps N Pieces and The Digichick.
Some wonderful inspiration from the Creative Team:

CT member Karrie made this beautiful cluster using Snow In The Woods, to share with you.
Click on preview to download:
Here's a sneak peek of what's coming to Magical Scraps Galore later this month:
Thank you and have a great day!

Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Januarys BNP... In Be(tween), A new release from Triple J Designs

Happy New Year!!

This month's BNP palette was great for Triple J Designs new release.

Not quite a child, but not yet a teenager but somewhere In Be {Tween} If you have a tween in your home, there is probably lots of drama, moodiness and moments of obnoxiousness, however, as with most stages, this too will pass. Although these years can be filled with difficulty, they will also be filled with love and pride as you watch your child mature. Scrap all of your tween's awkward moments, good and bad, with In Be {Tween}, the new digital scrap kit by Triple J Designs. No tweens in your home? No worries! In Be {Tween} is versatile enough for scrapping any of your family's treasured memories.

Did you know that spending $10 in the store at SNP gets you a free item? The first half of January, you can pick up this great winter kit from Triple J Designs.

And now, a little CT Inspiration...

Image may contain: 2 people

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

No automatic alt text available.

Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling

Image may contain: food

Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

Monday, January 2, 2017

New Years with cancer for dummies...

Happy New Years!
Don't take offense to that title lol.. I always loved those books and thought the titles were funny...
and I was trying to be funny.
Okay I realize its the 2nd. Did you make a resolution?
I know most people wish for money or a better job or to loose weight, to stop smoking, to get healthy... & I hope those things work out for them. that 2017 brings them all that they hope for.

On Friday I had my 4th & hopefully final C-day. So I spent my new years eve tired and sore and watching movies. Not to bad though I watched Pete's Dragon (the new one), warcraft (again), & bad moms (again).& I even had some new Moscato wine that wasn't to bad "barefoot something or another" because I was told it would help with that restless crampy feeling I get in my legs that sometimes makes it hard to sleep at night. So no champagne for me just wine... but I'm okay with that lol I hate champagne. Usually my neighbors  a mile down the road have a party and they shoot fireworks off and guns at midnight but nothing this year, so it was just peaceful.
Usually I don't make resolutions. I mean how many people post about what there hoping to bring or get from the new year and there is never really a follow through. But when your laid up from having chemo and feel like you just got hit by a mack truck... you have alot of time to think.
I have been dealing with cancer for the past 5 years. Even when I was in remission, I was always wondering if it was back or when it would come back . I have dealt with & survived this 4 times... But I think thats what I have been doing is just surviving. Not living.
So I decided that my new years resolution for 2017 is to not just survive but LIVE.I want to live my life and not be so scared of what ifs. I want to marvel at the magical christmas lights. Yesterday I stood outside and it was sunny but breezy and I just stood there feeling the sun on my face and the wind blowing and It was amazing. I want to continue to feel my heart smile when my nephews give me a hug and get excited to see me. To get messages from my grownup kids & know that I am loved. To not live dr appointment to dr appointment. I want to go sit in the precious moments chapel again and feel like theres a reason Im there & feel in my heart that I am blessed. To go do things like have friendsmas with my friends & be glad there including me. Im going to buy the girly body spray at bath and body works because it makes me happy when I wear it. I have always enjoyed the little things in life but I think im gonna revel in them.
A very dear sweet friend bought me a journal and I think Im going to start writing in it. But I kinda use my blog to rant and do the same thing sometimes. Because writing it and just getting it out helps a little. But someone once told me that maybe what we go through isnt to teach us a lesson, its to help another person. Which in the beginning of this time, I posted about how maybe god had a lesson to teach me and I just wasn't learning it . Maybe my purpose is to help someone else. Maybe someone else will read what I wrote and realize that they are not alone in how they feel or will help them get through it. or maybe they will feel not so alone. Maybe I can bring  HOPE to someone else. Cancer is not for the weak of heart not for the person having it and definitely not for the people that love that person.I have so many people that support me and help me get through. People that just let me vent or cry and can even see through when I pretend that everything is okay... and that helps out alot! But I also realize that this doesnt just affect me it also affects  my family and friends.

Okay now Im babbling. I made it til Christmas and that was my one biggest wish. 4th & final chemo down- Check. New year resolution- check. friends & family- check. Kicking cancers ass- on my to do list!
I hope you all had a really great new years & 2017 will rock for ya!
heading out to c-day
when your trying to be brave and strong laying on the bathroom floor cuddling a tigger
my view for a better part of a friday after chemo.. but I have learned that I can strategically lay close to the toilet and have my legs by the vent so I can stay warm. sometimes being strong sux.
some heroes wear capes, but mine wear scrubs, Yep I wore wonderwoman sweats cuz thats how I roll.
For some reason after chemo when I can finally leave the bathroom I always watch malificient. so yes like tradition I watched it again. But I did watch the new Pete's dragon... and cried. I went into it thinking it was not going to be very good becuase it was not the original. but the story line is a little different and... I LOVED IT!
chicken soup for the soul? Nope I just can't taste anything really on the first day of chemo and so I always just eat chicken soup. and I drink lots of orange juice or cran mango.

Alright Im gonna quit boring you now. & i think Im gonna take a nap, which used to bother me cuz it made me feel like I was weak if I had to do that... but My body is weak and my spirit is willing... so Im gonna nap. Thanks for listening <3

Cancer sux Ya'All!