Wednesday, March 29, 2017

It's not always puppies & kittens & inspirtational quotes...

Day 3 of radiation out of 15-20.
Yep it's going that good.
Yesterday was pretty bad, My blood pressure spiked and they gave me a sedative to help me rest for awhile after and some anti nasuea medication. When they released me I was still shakey and decided to go see my mom. Becuase it's calming to go to her house.And to be honest Im going through a very depressed phase that I am just unsure if all this is worth it. Now dont get me wrong and think im going all suicidal. But I think that anyone that has gone through this is not all positive quotes and sunshine. there are days that you feel like eeyore with that damn raincloud following you around.

Every time I have had gotten my news of cancer I sent text messages to everyone letting them know. however I have been starting to feel like It is a burden like it is what defines me. the girl with cancer. that it is about the only thing that some people talk aboutor that i send them and I'm not entirely sure if there wanting to hear about it. The day I got my news I was numb I went to work to get paperwork to file for intermittent leave. I told no one, except kelley and amanda only because they were in the room when I came in for the paperwork, and I really didn't talk to them much, I just tried to get the paperwork and go.I spent the rest of the time at the doctors filling out the paperwork on the phone, asking me questions and all I wanted to tell the nice lady on the phone is right now I really just don't want to deal with this im having a pretty shitty day. but instead  I politely answered all her questions and then ran to work. at my break I spent 40 minutes back on the phone giving them the rest of the information they needed. I sent my mom a email. I hate calling on the phone and I didnt have any time... but maybe a little because really what does one say. that isnt going to make you burst in to tears and feel like your heart is pounding and you cant breathe but you also have to be brave be strong and comfort those around you. I didnt even tell my husband. He came and picked me up from work. We went and got something to eat and I told him when we got home...
There's this look that people get sometimes. this look of like they are going to lose me or scared or pity or they dont know what to say. My husband gets this look alot. I tell him not to give me the look.
I understand that this doesnt just effect me it effects everyone around me . that everyone is going to have feelings they deal with too. But I also know that I have my feelings to deal with and all this crapt then I got to try to figure out how to comfort the person to put on a brave face when I am feeling like crapt, i gotta pretend everything is okay... it's not. not right now. everything. is. not. okay.

So I went to my moms and it did not go well. she was upset about me not calling and asked why I didnt want them to know. which was not the case. I sent my mom an email. and I assumed she had read it. I understand that she was upset.and that's okay but I also think  she could maybe understand my situation. She wanted to keep getting upset and I left. Maybe this is selfish of me I don't know. But I do know that I am trying my best to get through this situation. Im sick Im sore Im tired and Iam emotionally drained.

So yeah day 3 of radiation... My heads pounding , my insides are shakey, im dizzy, i burn up then I freeze , my body hurts & leg cramps from hell . Im gonna lay down for a bit and see if I can make it to work today. Im gonna come home &
then Im gonna get up and do it all again tomorrow.

some food for thought...

“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.” » Alex Karras
“Cancer is that awful word we all fear when we go to the doctor for a physical exam, but in that brief dark moment we hear it the world we live in and the people we share it with begin to illuminate things we did not even pay attention to.” » BD Phillips
“Sometimes you have to go through things and not around them”
" the only courage that matters is the one that gets you from one moment to the next"
“You don’t always have to hold yourself together.” » II Corinthians
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” » Albert Einstein'
“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.” – Emory Austin
“There is no hope unmingled with fear, no fear unmingled with hope." – Baruch Spinoza
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” – Ambrose Redmoon
“Strength is born in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts; not amidst joy.” – Felicia Hemans
"Some days I had to tell myself get through the next 5 minutes, I can make it through the next 5 minutes, And I did i made it through the next 5 months of my daughters cancer treatment 5 minutes at a time"

    Cancer sux Ya' All!

Friday, March 24, 2017

Victory was sweet but victory was short...

Hello my name is Karrie & I have cancer!

Yep again. I lasted a whole 2 weeks since my all clear sign, although technically it took 3 weeks to find out, so Im totally claiming those so 5 weeks of all clear.
So when the doctor calls you to tell you to come in for an appt about your lab results and won't tell you over the phone... that's a big red flashing warning light!
Danger Danger will robinson!
I shouldn't have been so surprised. But I was also hoping.. I do alot of that .
Luckily the new pills they started me on last week has lowered my blood pressure so at least thats not 215 anymore... that scared me.
I also found out that my thyroid level is 41.080 when it should range in the .45-4.5 level. Yep thats HIGH. she told me she did not know how I function that it was the 5th highest she had seen. I told her I always strive to be the best but I would gladly give that up... she laughed. inside I cried.
I finally decided to bite the bullet and file for intermittent leave at work. I have not done so in all these times and it still makes me feel bad. like im weak or lazy or I don't know. and yes I know I shouldnt feel that way,
I can't help it.
But you know that saying " the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" yep thats me.
I went to work yesterday I did my job and Im good at it. I didn't cry ...well except when I saw amanda and kelley when I was trying to get the paperwork. but they dont count cuz I cry to them .. ALOT. those girls probably deserve some kind of metal or something cuz they go above and beyond to be strong for me and to keep me going. Im pretty lucky that way I have a lot of support. it can be a blessing and a curse. like when people ask you how your doing. I always say im good or fine or im here.. but really I wanna say I feel like crapt and im about one second from having a major meltdown but im trying to keep my shit together. & sometimes I feel like I have to be strong for everyone like its pre requisite for having cancer.
Trust me Im not always strong.
My hubby goes to work at 3 something in the morning. Ive been up since 4 . Trust me not what I wanted either. I tried to sleep but I tossed and turned . and my mind would just not.Shut.Up!
Right now I'm calm or rather probably numb on the outside but inside there is like a category 7 hurricane going on inside me.
So today I started the meds for the thyroid and let me tell you... they sux.
Im gonna go to work and do the very best I can do cuz I kinda like my job and I can pretend im normal and okay. Maybe i'll even wear makeup today.
You know kinda like Miranda Lambert would say go on and fix your makeup, and never let them see you cry.
Im not sure what adventure is in store this weekend, but monday I will be right in to start my 3-4 weeks of radiation. See now it's the big guns cuz they totally skipped over the chemo this time.
And after a couple days of being depressed and thinking that I really just don't know how much more I can do.. I'll get over it & I will continue this damn fight.
Last weekend we went to silver dollar city and I went to the chapel and sat in there for a little bit . It brought me peace. I know that god has a plan for everyone and he knows what he's doing. I just wish he would ease up a little on me for just a bit.
There are so many things running around my head right now that I wanted to write to get them out . And I have probably missed half of what I wanted to say but Im tired and feel like pooh so im gonna post this.
Cancer sux Ya'All!

Hope is the thing that guides me. It's what gets me through the days & especially at night.

Picture Perfect, A new release from Magical Scraps Galore

Strike a pose and smile! Picture Perfect by Magical Scraps Galore is a fabulous collection for us photo-snapping moms that love to capture everyday moments through our lenses. Packed with cute cameras and beautiful patterns, this fun and versatile kit is perfect to highlight your favorite shots, whether it's a fun selfie, a candid snapshot, or your most treasured photos.
Find the full collection at 58% off -or the individual kit and add-ons at 30% off  through Tuesday midnight  at GingerScraps, Scraps N Pieces and The Digichick.
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Some wonderful inspiration from the Creative Team:
Stay tuned for Marina's new collection coming to stores in April:

Now how about a little freebie? You can grab it by clicking on the preview :)
Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

$2 Tuesday Deals from LDrag Designs

Easter is coming. spring is finally in bloom...
Are ya ready? How about some spring-ish kits for only $2 from Ldrag Designs
2$ Tuesday today with 3 awesome deals for today only!
Grab them today for ONLY 2$

Stacked & Blocked  Templates Vol. 10

So hurry to the shop to grab them
today for ONLY2 $ each!
and a little inspiration with today's deals
by Anita using In Full Bloom
by Bea
by Joanna
by Annemarie using  Stacked & Blocked Vol. 10
by Maria
by Roxana
by Jenn using  Hippity Hoppity
by Joanna
and by Karrie
Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

two dollar tuesday from Magical Scraps Galore

It's $2 Tuesday time !
Look and see what Magical Scraps has for you for only $2... today only!
Baked Fresh, Oh so lucky!, &  Hoppy spring you can find them here 


Happy scrappin Ya'All!

Monday, March 20, 2017

You make me smile, A new release from Triple J Designs

This weeks release goes along with the SNP Blog Train and is super cute!

And now, a little CT Inspiration...




Sign up for the newsletter ! There will be a freebie for you make me smile in it.

Happy Scrappin Ya'all!

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Sweet little baby collection, a new release from Ponytails Designs

Is there anything sweeter than a newborn baby?  The way they smell, the little sounds they make, the way they still smunch up into a little ball… these are the little things that (almost!) make me want to have another!
To me they always give me peace just holding them. when I first found out I had cancer my little nephew had just been born . everytime i went to the doctors I would go over to my sisters and just snuggle him and all my worries and fears would go away for a little bit. He was my little miracle. Now I have to hold him down to get snuggles from him lol!
Sweet Little Baby is available in boy, girl, or neutral palettes… or you could grab the whole bundle!  ‘Cause why wouldn’t you?  🙂
Check out my team’s adorable pages…

You can grab Ponytails Designs lil freebie for this sweet little kit on here blog by clicking on her preview &
you can grab my lil freebie while clickin on my preview!

Happy Scrappin Ya'All!


Saturday, March 11, 2017

Bohenian Spring, a release from Magical Scraps Galore

 Set your spirit free, release your inner flower child and celebrate a "Bohemian Spring"! With its gorgeous colors and boho feel, this collection by Magical Scraps Galore overflows with hippie icons such as feathers, arrows, a dream catcher, deer skulls, a guitar, peace symbols, as well as loads of flowers, leaves, birds, and butterflies, among many other fabulous goodies. Perfect to scrap your darling teen, your indie style, the positive springtime vibes, your free spirit, your adventurous self, and the peace and love in your heart.
Find the full collection at 60% off -or the individual kit and add-ons at 30% off  through March 16th at GingerScraps, Scraps N Pieces and The Digichick.
The page kit includes 12 solids, 17 beautifully patterned papers, 2 gorgeous alphas and 53 unique elements:
The collection includes the page kit with 12 solids, 17 beautifully patterned papers, 2 gorgeous alphas and 53 unique elements, plus four add-ons: word bits, journaling cards, barnwood papers, and ombre papers, all bundled up for great savings!
Some gorgeous layouts from the Creative Team:
Stay tuned for Marina's new collection coming to stores later this month!
And how about a freebie! Just click on the preview to grab it!

Happy Scrappin Ya'all!