Monday, January 2, 2017

New Years with cancer for dummies...

Happy New Years!
Don't take offense to that title lol.. I always loved those books and thought the titles were funny...
and I was trying to be funny.
Okay I realize its the 2nd. Did you make a resolution?
I know most people wish for money or a better job or to loose weight, to stop smoking, to get healthy... & I hope those things work out for them. that 2017 brings them all that they hope for.

On Friday I had my 4th & hopefully final C-day. So I spent my new years eve tired and sore and watching movies. Not to bad though I watched Pete's Dragon (the new one), warcraft (again), & bad moms (again).& I even had some new Moscato wine that wasn't to bad "barefoot something or another" because I was told it would help with that restless crampy feeling I get in my legs that sometimes makes it hard to sleep at night. So no champagne for me just wine... but I'm okay with that lol I hate champagne. Usually my neighbors  a mile down the road have a party and they shoot fireworks off and guns at midnight but nothing this year, so it was just peaceful.
Usually I don't make resolutions. I mean how many people post about what there hoping to bring or get from the new year and there is never really a follow through. But when your laid up from having chemo and feel like you just got hit by a mack truck... you have alot of time to think.
I have been dealing with cancer for the past 5 years. Even when I was in remission, I was always wondering if it was back or when it would come back . I have dealt with & survived this 4 times... But I think thats what I have been doing is just surviving. Not living.
So I decided that my new years resolution for 2017 is to not just survive but LIVE.I want to live my life and not be so scared of what ifs. I want to marvel at the magical christmas lights. Yesterday I stood outside and it was sunny but breezy and I just stood there feeling the sun on my face and the wind blowing and It was amazing. I want to continue to feel my heart smile when my nephews give me a hug and get excited to see me. To get messages from my grownup kids & know that I am loved. To not live dr appointment to dr appointment. I want to go sit in the precious moments chapel again and feel like theres a reason Im there & feel in my heart that I am blessed. To go do things like have friendsmas with my friends & be glad there including me. Im going to buy the girly body spray at bath and body works because it makes me happy when I wear it. I have always enjoyed the little things in life but I think im gonna revel in them.
A very dear sweet friend bought me a journal and I think Im going to start writing in it. But I kinda use my blog to rant and do the same thing sometimes. Because writing it and just getting it out helps a little. But someone once told me that maybe what we go through isnt to teach us a lesson, its to help another person. Which in the beginning of this time, I posted about how maybe god had a lesson to teach me and I just wasn't learning it . Maybe my purpose is to help someone else. Maybe someone else will read what I wrote and realize that they are not alone in how they feel or will help them get through it. or maybe they will feel not so alone. Maybe I can bring  HOPE to someone else. Cancer is not for the weak of heart not for the person having it and definitely not for the people that love that person.I have so many people that support me and help me get through. People that just let me vent or cry and can even see through when I pretend that everything is okay... and that helps out alot! But I also realize that this doesnt just affect me it also affects  my family and friends.

Okay now Im babbling. I made it til Christmas and that was my one biggest wish. 4th & final chemo down- Check. New year resolution- check. friends & family- check. Kicking cancers ass- on my to do list!
I hope you all had a really great new years & 2017 will rock for ya!
heading out to c-day
when your trying to be brave and strong laying on the bathroom floor cuddling a tigger
my view for a better part of a friday after chemo.. but I have learned that I can strategically lay close to the toilet and have my legs by the vent so I can stay warm. sometimes being strong sux.
some heroes wear capes, but mine wear scrubs, Yep I wore wonderwoman sweats cuz thats how I roll.
For some reason after chemo when I can finally leave the bathroom I always watch malificient. so yes like tradition I watched it again. But I did watch the new Pete's dragon... and cried. I went into it thinking it was not going to be very good becuase it was not the original. but the story line is a little different and... I LOVED IT!
chicken soup for the soul? Nope I just can't taste anything really on the first day of chemo and so I always just eat chicken soup. and I drink lots of orange juice or cran mango.

Alright Im gonna quit boring you now. & i think Im gonna take a nap, which used to bother me cuz it made me feel like I was weak if I had to do that... but My body is weak and my spirit is willing... so Im gonna nap. Thanks for listening <3

Cancer sux Ya'All!

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