So yesterday was one of those no good terrible horrible days...
It started with the doctor calling me telling my lab results came back and my levels were extremely low & I needed to come in. And hooked up to an Iv I was (insert yoda voice impression here)
I don't post pictures like this to get attention. I post pictures like this so people understand that Cancer is not all pink and positive thoughts, & fighting like a girl...
Its painful, It's hard, & It's ... scary.
Something that is so tiny can just ravage your whole body. Wreak havok with your emotions. Wear you down , emotionally drain you.
People see the smiling positive "strong" you... they don't see the crying , laying in a bed in a ball, the running to the bathroom , the embarrassment, the needles, the tests, the results, the constant pain, & the hope that someday this will just be over, but worried about the next time.
I went to work about an hour late being hooked up to this. & I wanted to be at work & just get my mind off of it. but I was freezing and shaking. I asked if they wanted me on a register as it was pretty busy. & I love being on the registers sometimes and just talking with people... but 5 minutes after my poor cashier went on break I knew it was a very bad idea. when he came back I was never so glad to see another person in my life. I was just sitting there praying he came back in time ... and I made a mad dash to the bathroom hoping to god I didn't throw up before making it there.
I made the decision to go home running to the bathroom all night was not an option. I had to run to the back bathroom to make it again. (and stop on the way home to throw up on the side of the road.)
When I got to my car I sat there shaking and freezing and I just started to bawl. this was not the strong karrie, this was a weak karrie. During an argument once my husband had told me that I was lazy, that I was using being sick as an excuse not to do things, that I was making a bigger deal than it was... And that is always in the back of my head when things like this happen. I think maybe I should be able to handle this? Maybe I should just stick it out? Maybe I am being lazy?
But I went home. I put on warm jammies, and warm socks, and wrapped up in a warm blanket ... and went to sleep. Selfish or not , right or wrong, It was something my body needed. I layed there and watched elf, and the grinch, & frozen... becuase this just don't really feel like Christmas to me.
Today is a new day...
Cancer sux Ya'All!
