2 weeks later... still waiting

2 weeks ago I had my last of 4 weeks of radiation. I keep thinking it's gonna get better & easier but I still feel like pooh  crapt.. yep I feel like crapt!
 I am beyond exhausted. My head continually hurts. . My body aches. My back feels like someone has punched me between the shoulder blades and in the lower back. I still can't get rid of the diarhea.. yeah thats fun and oh so not embarrassing. My redness & itchy skin luckily was mild and has gone away. But not the crampy feeling in my uterus. I will literally be sweating and my hands and feet will be freezing. My blood pressure likes to go from 155 to 90. I can't remember things sometimes & most of the time I think to much and can't get my head to shut up. And sleeping...ugh. I think depression is the  worst. no matter what I try to do to get over it, I just can't.

... & I am still waiting for my results to come back so I can see if this is over or what comes next.
I did make myself go to work the last 2 days because I just am feeling so useless and lazy. but dang if I don't get home and just wanna die. I am stubborn and I will continue to fight no matter what but let me just tell ya there are days, that my mood is definitely...

There are days that it is really hard to get myself up dressed and functional. My hubby tells me all the time my body is still trying to recuperate and I know that, in my head but for some reason it just makes me feel... so not human. not functional, not responsible, not in control... NOT STRONG.
I have this constant struggle where I want to go and enjoy all the things I can while I can  & wanting to lay in pjs on the couch and do absolutely nothing, then feel guilty about it.
And that dreaded question... How are you? how are you feeling.. it makes me want to pull my hair out... and thats horrible. i know people ask becuase it's nice and they are only care, or don't know what else to say but I hate answering it.. do they want the truth or a sugar coated lie? Today my husband asked me this very question and for some reason I got upset and made a maddish reply. I know he only worries about me, and I have to fight him to go to work cause he thinks I push to hard. But I guess I want so badly to be "okay" and to be able to be strong & handle things.

They have a word for this horrible time when you are in between and not knowing... SCANXIETY
I recently read a very cool article about scanxiety and she had some tips...

 Reading that and several outher blogs from real people and not medical technical stuff helps, lets me know i am not crazy or that there are outher people going through this same stuff, feeling the same way... and maybe someone else will read this and see that they arent the only one too.
Well it is time for me to pull on some clothes.. cause yes I am still in my jammies. I took some aleve to get through the day... and Im going to go try to adult. I missed so much work I literally got a whopping 22.90 on my check that doesnt even pay for gas to work for a week.. so adulting it is! That is one more thing that you have to deal with while going through this is financial.. cause OUCH!




 I am posting this from a medical site. Alot of people don't know or understand side effects from radiation. and the sad thing is my mom even asked me what the difference between chemo and radiation is.. and I really didn't know... I just kinda got in a mode where I do what they tell me.

Short-term side effects: Common side effects of radiation therapy include tiredness, upset stomach, or loose bowels. Serious fatigue, which may not occur until about 2 weeks after treatment begins, is a common side effect. Diarrhea is common, but usually can be controlled with over-the-counter medicines. Nausea and vomiting may also occur, but can be treated with medication. These side effects are more common with pelvic radiation than with vaginal brachytherapy. Side effects tend to be worse when chemotherapy is given with radiation.
Skin changes, which can range from mild redness to peeling and blistering, are also common. The skin may release fluid, which can lead to infection, so care must be taken to clean and protect the area exposed to radiation. Sometimes, as it heals, the skin in the treated area becomes darker or less flexible (harder).
Radiation can irritate the bladder, and you might have problems urinating. Irritation to the bladder, called radiation cystitis, can result in discomfort, blood in the urine, and an urge to urinate often.
Radiation can also cause similar changes in the intestine. When there is rectal irritation or bleeding, it is called radiation proctitis. This is sometimes treated with enemas that contain a steroid (like hydrocortisone) or suppositories that contain an anti-inflammatory.
Radiation can irritate the vagina, leading to discomfort and drainage (a discharge). This is called radiation vaginitis and if it occurs, your radiation doctor may recommend douching with a dilute solution of hydrogen peroxide. When the irritation is severe, open sores can develop in the vagina, which may need to be treated with an estrogen cream.
Radiation can also lead to low blood counts, causing anemia (low red blood cells) and leukopenia (low white blood cells). The blood counts usually return to normal within a few weeks after radiation is stopped.
Long-term side effects: Radiation therapy may cause changes to the lining of the vagina leading to vaginal dryness. This is more common after vaginal brachytherapy than after pelvic radiation therapy. In some cases scar tissue can form in the vagina. The scar tissue can make the vagina shorter or more narrow (called vaginal stenosis), which can make sex (vaginal intercourse) painful. A woman can help prevent this problem by stretching the walls of her vagina several times a week. This can be done by having sexual intercourse 3 to 4 times a week or by using a vaginal dilator (a plastic or rubber tube used to stretch out the vagina). Still, vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse can be a long-term side effect of radiation. Some centers have physical therapists who specialize in pelvic floor therapy which can help to treat these vaginal symptoms and sometimes improve sexual function. You should ask your physician about this if you are bothered by these problems. You can also find some helpful information in Sexuality for the Woman With Cancer.
Pelvic radiation can damage the ovaries, resulting in premature menopause. However, this is not an issue for most women who are being treated for endometrial cancer because they have already gone through menopause, either naturally or as a result of surgery to treat the cancer (hysterectomy and removal of the ovaries).
Pelvic radiation therapy can also lead to a blockage of the fluid draining from the leg. This can lead to severe swelling, known as lymphedema. Lymphedema is a long-term side effect; it doesn't go away after radiation is stopped. In fact it may not appear for several months after treatment ends. This side effect is more common if pelvic lymph nodes were removed during surgery to remove the cancer. There are specialized physical therapists who can help treat this. It is important to begin treatment early if you develop it. For more information, read the Lymphedema section.
Radiation to the pelvis can also weaken the bones, leading to fractures of the hips or pelvic bones. It is important that women who have had endometrial cancer contact their doctor right away if they have pelvic pain. Such pain might be caused by a fracture, recurrent cancer, or other serious conditions.

Pelvic radiation can also lead to long-term problems with the bladder (radiation cystitis) or bowel (radiation proctitis). Rarely, radiation damage to the bowel can cause a blockage (called obstruction) or for an abnormal connection to form between the bowel and the vagina or outside skin (called a fistula). These conditions may need to be treated with surgery.

Cancer sux Ya'all!