Some days this is how I feel.. then I start to feel guilty. Like maybe I should do my laundry and actually fold it and put it away. Wash the dishes. Organize my craft room.. actually do some crats.. get out of bed...
But then I realize that its okay for me to have down days . Days where I dont want to have to pretend that I am okay and everyone isnt asking me how I feel. I kinda feel like a broken record. Do I say I feel like crapt thanks for asking . Today sucks... nahh I just say Im here. It's so much easier than explaining things.
Last weekend I went and saw my momma. It seems to always help when you visit your mom. Moms are kinda magic like that. But then I got lucky and we went to the apple festival together. This is my favorite thing to do every year cuase they have free apple cider samples AND free apple slices... I usually go from one end to the outher getting the samples... this year though I ate 2 peices of an apple and had to regretfully throw the rest away. My teeth are so bad from the chemo that they ache all the time and of course my stomach wanted to rebel and say NOPE. then she took me for a burger at american drive in but I couldnt eat ... thats okay though I ate it later that night .But I enjoyed it walking around looking at the stuff and just laughing with my mom. Not laying in bed or on the couch and feeling like pooh... but maybe like I was living. It was a perfect day!
When I got home that day I got a message from a very sweet friend. Her sister had just lost her leg from diabetes and was in the hospital. the meds were making her itch and she said she kept raiding her hands up praying for it to go away. she started off her message with...
"my sister lost her leg yesterday. I gave her your bracelet you gave me. told her your story of courage and strength. she is wearing it with all kinds of tubes hooked up to her. thank you for everything. stay strong girl" I told her I was sorry and she said her sister was touched by my story,
I told her trust me im not all that brave but sometimes being strong is all you can be.
Maybe just maybe god does give you what you can handle and there is a purpose for everything.
I would like to not have to go through this again. but if it happens maybe there is a reason
I cried when she told me this story... partly because she is one of the people that makes me feel brave and safe and loved.. that helps me through this... but also because they said I helped a little. I have no doubt her sisters gonna get through this just fine with all her love and support!
Im going to go take some headache pills and a hot bath to soothe my muscles before I put on a happy face and head to work... thank you all my supporters for listening to me rant & for being there for me through good and bad times!
2 more days to C day... not excited...
#cancersux ya'all!
Hope is what guides you its what gets you through the day and especially the night
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