Gift wrapped in thoughtfulness & love...

Yesterday was my first day back to work in forever in a long time. lol. I'm going to say I'm pretty proud of myself. I ain't gonna lie it took alot to get motivated and get off the couch and get dreseed, walk down to my car and go. I just feel ...like pooh. It's so hard to describe. My kidneys are still sore from the biopsy and my body feels achy everywhere. my head constantly hurts, and ohh god am I just tired. But I also now that depression is a very real thing and as much as Id like to just wallow in it and stay layed up on the couch in a warm comfy blankey, until I get to hot a throw it off... only to grab it again after a bit... I also know that I need to try to get out of it. to feel useful. to feel a little more normal.

So yep I went to work last night and it was nice. I mean I'm definitely paying for it. I got home I was exhausted my feet back head and hips hurt and I just wanted to sit on the couch and not move.
A couple days ago a good friend of mine from work texted me and asked how I was and said they had something for me and wanted to bring it out. Monday was a horrible day I kept getting sick. I was still in my pjs (shhhh I stay in my pjs alot lately) & I hadn't even combed my hair.. So I told him he really didnt want to come out that day. He told me that was ok he'd bring it to work. So last night he had his friend danielle bring the gift up to work. Him , Danielle, and Taylor had made me a little gift basket.

So let me just tell you first of all I tried really hard not to cry. It was incredibly sweet of them to think of me.I  know that I get so caught up in being sick that I don't pay attention to everything else going around and for that I am truly sorry. Sorry for the missed days at work that others had to take up the slack on. the not returned calls or texts. Not visiting. And for them to take time out of there lifes to say they are thinking of me is amazing. I do have alot of truly amazing family and friends.

One of my absolute favorite things in the world even to this day to do is go through the stocking and pressies at easter and valentines day from my mom. It's almost like a tradition. she still gets us this baskets/ stocking with little odds and ends in them. But they are all chosen specifically for things we like. My husband has started trying to do that and I am thankful for that. This gift was just like that & it made me smile and my heart be filled with warmth. I looked through the basket a little while I was at work and by the time I got home I was exhausted . So this morning I opened it up to check it out.
they truly put thought into what they got. And from the bottom of my heart I thank them.

Just look at these sweet faces. I made them let me take their picture with it.. they were a little reluctant, but Im presistant ;)

 So I'm just gonna show ya what they got me!
The giftie -they even painted my name on it :)

under the papers...

Okay this part is awesome.My skin is soo dry all the time and my lips are always dry from being dehydrated. My husband rubs coconut oil on my feet everynight. and he says I spot chapstick wherever I go lol.. they got me some lotion, chapstick and a mudmask

jellybeans are one of the ways to my heart love them! jellybeans, airheads and a wonder woman cup...Wonder woman.. NEED I SAY MORE!

the crafter in me squealed when I saw these... scrapbook paper, sharpies, and sickers~ superhero, butterflies & baking!

& wonder woman jammie bottoms!

Again I just want to say how sweet & considerate this was.. and how incredibly blessed I am to have such wonderful friends & family.

Cancer sux Ya'all!

~Hope is what guides us. It's what gets us through the day & especially the night

  

Note to self, A new release from Ponytails Designs

As women and mothers, we often focus on everyone else but us.  Don’t forget to remind yourself that you are wonderful, worthy, and oh so amazing!  Preserve your stories and memories for your future self as well as your family.  “Note to Self” will help you do just that… so go ahead and scrap about yourself for a change!

Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

A Perfect Day Collection, a new release from LDrag Designs

At last I see the light and it's as if a fog has lifted. At last I see the light now that I see you.
I love Tangled! and looking at this kit just makes me wanna sing that song and go float some paper lanterns.
This week LDrag Designs has another beautiful collection full of my favourite colours! Lavender and teal, greenery and amazing beautiful ellies to scrap all those amazing moments in our lives!
A Perfect Day

This product coordinates with
A Perfect Day: Journal Cards

A Perfect Day: Cluster Frames

A Perfect Day: Worn Out Papers

A Perfect Day: Alphas

A Perfect Day: Glitter Styles

They will all be 30% OFF through Sunday
but if you want to have them all
and SAVE 40% OFF you can grab the collection

and a little inspiration
by Annemarie

by Chrissy

by Joanna

By Karen who made 2

by Kay

by Leah

by Megan

and Roxana

by karrie

and now time for you freebie addon

you can grab it by clicking on the page or HERE!

Happy Scrappin Ya'All!

Let the waiting begin...

 I finished my last day of radiation on friday. It was bad. I stopped in to pay my car payment and ended up throwing up on the  floor becuase someone was in the bathroom. Hubby came home to take care of me but I slept most of the day. we went to get something for dinner and I ended up not even making it.
To celebrate hubby, my mom, &  I went up to silver dollar city. It's the festival of wonders and I have been wanting to try some of there bacon food stuff they have. It was a miserable day it was freezing and misting/ raining all day... but it was a wonderful day. We didn't do much. Looked around shops and saw a couple shows but so worth it.
They had an amazing act called earth harp and I am in love. It was truly amazing. This man makes a harp out of the structure of the building. So the strings stretched from the stage up to the beams over
our heads. But I'll come back and talk about the trip later in a different post.
But it was a good day.

I paid the price on Sunday and monday .I was so sore and tired. So tired. 
Yesterday was my testing day . That day is hard to explain. You want it to be good. You know what kind of stuff you have to go through, and you know that you have to wait for results... whether they be good news or bad.
It's a scary day...

 waiting in the waiting room is boring...

In between testing I found this neat little reflecting pool outside. It was very calming to sit there and listen and watch

This may not be the most flattering picture but its accurate. I was ready to leave by this time

Please ignore the stretch marks but I think it's important to share .That not everything is always so positive and uplifting like on the quotes and posters. I mean don't get me wrong. It is good to be positive but it's also hard sometimes. It's hard to keep smiling and pretending everything is alright.

So yes yesterday was testing.. Xrays, cat scans, pet scan, mri, blood work, nasogastric intubation, ecg, echo, ultrasound, blood work, and my absolute favorite "insert tears here" kidney biopsy.

I was poked and proded, and after awhile you just get numb. Numb from it all.

I went to my moms after. I had a very nice visit with her. I got a call from my son. He's a marine and has been overseas for a month know. I havent heard from him til now. He's over in Italy right now. I am so proud and jealous of him lol. He made us laugh.

I also got to hear good news about my grandma. She had breast cancer and they took one of her breasts and the lymph nodes under the arm. My mom said she did well, and they just took her draining tube out. Im pretty proud of her!

While I was talking to mom I started bawling. When this first happened . When you first get diagnosed with cancer, your numb and then you fight for an end goal. and that goal usually comes. But mine came with a price chemo damaged my heart and kidney, then it decided it just wanted to keep coming back and attacking like a parasite. I feel like there is no end game. I feel sometimes like there is no hope of this ever being over. That the fear of when it will come back takes over everything else. the being tired all the time. The getting used to having a headache all the time like it was normal. The sore back, the cramps in the legs, the getting sick and being embarrassed about it. Not eating when you go somewhere for fear of having to run to a bathroom. The humiliation when you do get sick in front of people. Gagging down so many pills. The fear in your family and friends eyes when they look at you. Pretending everything is okay. The not wanting to answer when people are asking how you are doing. Feeling so alone and knowing that your not...

The having no control over your own life.. I have no control of my life. None.

I will keep fighting. It is not in me to give up. Im stubborn like that. But right now I am just tired.

And now we wait...

Cancer Sux Ya'All!

~Hope is what guides you. It's what gets you through the day and especially the night.